Post Menopause: The Good, the Bad, and the Weird.
As many of my readers have already experienced, or will soon, there isn't really a single “menopause age”. It’s more of a transition than an event and usually happens between ages 45 and 55.
Going through this stage can be really tough for many women. Many describe it as feeling like someone has taken over their body (and mind) just around the time they’re raising teens with attitudes and caring for elders with health issues. They feel emotionally and physically exhausted with no support from those around them or the medical community.
I had a friend once describe her menopause experience to her husband in this way: It’s like a swift kick in the nuts on a daily basis except you don’t have time to catch your breath before dealing with the next person shouting,
‘I need you. Now!’ What makes it even worse for some women is that people around them don’t seem to notice or question the sweat pouring down their faces and cleavage, even though it has made their hair flatten against their scalps like YMCA pool swimming caps. They just want to know why their hair looks so weird.
The average age of menopause (when a woman has had 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period) is around 51. Sounds simple, right? But how many women do you know that have gone 11 months, gotten their period, and then had to start the count all over again? Worse yet, how many women do you know that technically reached menopause years ago, but still get hot flashes? We all dreamed of just getting through menopause unscathed, if possible.
Postmenopause, the years after menopause, doesn’t get a lot of attention. Maybe this is because people tend to think of this stage in a female’s life as part of the menopause stage. Maybe with the brain fog many women get during menopause, they forget there’s another stage after it. Who knows. Who cares.
When you finally reach perimenopause, you realize there are good, bad, and what-the-hell-is-that aspects to it.
The Good
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No More Periods.
This obvious change deserves its own parade. No tampons. No pads. No emergency bathroom calculations. No wondering whether you should chance wearing white pants. No more cramps. No more migraines. No more brain fog. No more symptoms from what many of us in our younger years called ‘my friend’. Who came up with that not-so-secret code name?!
No More Pregnancy Anxiety.
At some point, the question of “Could I be pregnant?” (whether you’re hoping to get pregnant or praying you’re not) is replaced with “Why did I walk into this room?”
You Know Yourself Better.
Post-menopause can come with a refreshing willingness to care less about what everyone else thinks. It’s so freeing! You finally realize that spending 45 minutes pretending to enjoy something you hate is not something you want to repeat, and you don’t feel bad about it. Nor do you repeat it if you can help it.
You Become An Expert At Boundaries.
“I'm sorry, I can't” becomes a complete sentence. And surprisingly, the world keeps spinning. Also, you start hearing that phrase from others and realize they’re setting boundaries too.
You Stop Dressing In Uncomfortable Clothes.
Comfort becomes a legitimate fashion category. If it has an elastic waistband and doesn't require Spanx, it's basically couture. For me personally, I feel like I’ve come full circle—when I was in elementary school, I had to wear a school uniform that made me feel hot in late spring, cold in the winter (particularly when freezing air blew up my skirt), and scratchy for the entire school year. When I got home, I went for comfort—I wouldn’t wear anything that was too tight, scratchy, plaid, or bothersome in some other way. You still won’t see me wear a plaid skirt. Ever.
You Have Survived Puberty, Parenting, Perimenopause, And Menopause.
At this point, very little scares you. Except maybe politics and the fact that your kids might not be able to ever afford to own a home. Seriously. You’ve seen and often experienced personally so many scary scenarios—and survived—that you’re tempted (but no longer stupid enough) to say, ‘bring it on’.
The Bad
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Your Body Changes The Rules Without Telling You.
You can eat exactly what you ate at 35, and suddenly your body responds with, “Interesting choice. Here's three pounds on your hips. You seem to like wearing your food choice mistakes there.”
Weight Loss Becomes A Close Friends Project.
We all talk about the extra pounds and how difficult it is to lose weight. Then, we criticize those who went on a GLP-1 and lost weight. Or question why they didn’t lose it on their own.
Here’s how ridiculous losing weight can be during post-menopause (without a GLP-1):
I went to a nutritionist a few years ago because I was struggling to lose 10 pounds but wasn’t interested in starting a GLP-1. She told me that post-menopause meant weight gain was easy, but weight loss would be extremely slow. Her recommendation was to assume it would take a full year and to measure my success on a seasonal, rather than weekly, basis. If I was able to lose 3 pounds per season and keep it off, that was a success.
And that’s why so many people are on a GLP-1.
Muscle Becomes Precious Real Estate.
You can lose muscle more easily with age, which means strength training suddenly becomes less “something fitness people do” and more “a retirement investment.” How is it even possible to lift free weights for an hour? Do you take 15-minute breaks between rep cycles?
Your Joints Start A Rebellion.
You wake up and something hurts, but you don't remember injuring it. It starts with a knee here or hip there. Next thing you know, you feel like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz asking for the oil can to get rid of the creaks and groans. Even premium oil won’t help your problem.
Sleep Can Still Be A Problem.
There's nothing quite like lying awake at 2:00 a.m. thinking about nothing and everything at the same time, while wondering what woke you, and why.
Your Hair No Longer Resembles Anything You Recognize As Yours
Why are you losing hair where you want it, and growing it where you don’t want it? It’s thinner and lackluster on the top of your head. It’s missing in some areas of your eyebrows, yet gone thick and wiry like Martin Scorsese’s in other areas. Meanwhile, you’ve grown a mysterious cluster of hair on your chin that is thriving like it's being watered regularly. Didn’t you pluck that a few days ago?
You’re Drying Up Like A Prune Everywhere.
Hormonal changes can cause dryness everywhere. Virtually every body part, including skin, hair, and the vagina. It’s post-menopause’s carte blanche trick. I don’t think anything is missed on this crusade. But talking about vagina problems makes people uncomfortable. Apparently, we'd rather discuss hot flashes because that’s as weird and as personal as we want to go. Yet we can talk openly about erectile dysfunction and medication that will take care of ‘the problem’, on national TV.
The Weird
Photo: Pexels
Post-menopause can be the age when you realize:
You are simultaneously more comfortable
in your own skin and
less familiar with the skin you're currently in.
And that’s a bit weird.
Maybe the best thing about post-menopause is that we're finally old enough to understand that our bodies aren't supposed to look or behave exactly like they did at 25. Bummer, right?
But maybe we need to think differently about our bodies and mature our expectations.
At this stage, aren’t our bodies supposed to get us where we're going and be strong enough so we can enjoy the ride? Frankly, considering everything I’ve put my body through—dancing like a ‘Solid Gold’ cast member in my teens; partying in my twenties; carrying and birthing two babies in my thirties; raising a family and going through a bunch of surgeries in my forties and fifties; and now an active retirement—I’m amazed it hasn’t revolted more often than it has.
The fact that my body’s still showing up for me most days deserves some respect.
Here’s to post-menopause. If you’ve made it this far, be grateful. Enjoy the joy and liberation of being comfortable in your own skin, even if you don’t always recognize it’s yours.
